Necessary Conversations

Dear [Co-worker], Talking to you about race was outside my comfort zone, even if I don't like admitting that. But I came to you because I was convicted it was an important part of my job and would make me a better person. I understood that communicating some of these difficult ideas was at least a part of your job as well and not that you had an obligation to represent everyone of your race. I am sad our workplace is not more diverse and I don't have more people here to speak to about these things professionally. All that said, I thought our conversations were productive. I listened to everything you said, all your experiences and insights. And you told me how much you appreciated that I cared enough to ask the questions and hear the answers. You told me it wasn't a problem to give me this time because you could tell I truly wanted to understand. And then, maybe naively I tried to bring those insights into my work. You seemed un-surprised when this backfired. I know that when I asked you to review the document that ended up causing so much controversy, you were distracted, had other things going on in your life. I should have held off on opening these discussions until I was certain you were there to contribute if not guide them. We spent some time processing what happened and yet, in the end, you seemed to blame me for a great many things including wasting your time. When you implied that our conversations were a waste of your time in a big meeting with many of our peers that hurt. I know you were hurting too, and maybe more than me. I know that there are dynamics of race and power that exist here and in the rest of the world that I will never understand from my perspective. But all I wanted was to listen, and by all accounts you welcomed our conversations. Why did you abandon all that? Why did you lie? You had made me feel welcome and then turned around and criticized me wasting your time. In truth, I'm not sure how to broach these topics anymore. This situation has made me very anxious to discuss race. In part, because I understand that many people do not want to. They don't want to represent their race, especially in these difficult discussion with people trying to understand things that, maybe, they already should. But if someone who's job it is to effect a vision of diversity doesn't want to share, than who will? I am prepared to confront my own cowardice in the face of valid racial anger. I am prepared to confront my inadequacy in these discussions. I will not always have the right question. I will likely make a mistake when trying my best to use cultural insight to better my work. But I will not give up trying to understand my fellow humans and, if only by listening, to give them my time, my respect, myself. Sincerely, Still here